I’ve learned the difference between a nine iron and a wood. Drank wine that tasted little better than transmission fluid. Found out there’s such a thing as upscale haggis. Raced a Porsche around a track. I’ve talked to people dying of cancer. I’ve talked to people surviving cancer. I’ve discovered that Americans have the worst cell phone technology on the planet. Felt a python’s power as it wrapped itself around my leg. I’ve seen the largest mound of bird droppings ever. I’ve caressed linens that cost more than my car. I’ve even learned the dying art of sock puppetry.